9 Reasons Why I Closed My Heart

Source: Begin Again (2013) IMDb

Everybody has the past, even good or bad. Nobody wants to be alone in this world. So, here I write 9 reasons why I closed my heart. Maybe, someday I will find another man who can show me what wonderful love is. 

I met all my exes at dating apps. Yeah, it's so difficult to find a boyfriend in real life. Because I am not beautiful enough. And many people tell me that I'm too nice and too friendly, so they made me a friend, not the loved ones. So I was looking for my boyfriend on those apps and I hope I find a nice guy who can accept my advantages and disadvantages. But I was wrong. Tinder and the other apps taught me that there are a lot of bad and perverted people out there. Here are the reasons:

1. I don't want to meet another bastard again. Many men told me that he just wants to fuck with me or become FWB. With no love. How can you do those things if you have insecurity in yourself? I just want to be in loved, not only wanted when you want to make love.

2. I've met a man who hasn't solved his problem in the past. When we met, he always tells about his ex and the reasons why he broke up. I think it's okay to be not okay. But finally, I found out that he hasn't really moved on from his past.

3. I've met a man who wants to marry as soon as possible and he always tested me whether I am good to be a woman who wants to live in difficulty. I said to him, "My father has never asked me to be a poor person. Why are you even asking me to be like that?"  I think my father will not allow this relationship."

4. He just not into me. I once struggled alone to get the attention of a man who never even expected me to be by his side. And it really makes me traumatic to being in love too deep with men. 

5. I'm too clingy when I have a boyfriend. I mean, I can do everything alone but sometimes I really need my partner anytime and anywhere. I think every man in this world doesn't like it, especially the men I've met.

Source: Begin Again (2013) IMDb

6. When a man finds out that we love him very much, he will act arbitrarily. He chats us arbitrarily. Never ask if we like it or not. He knew he was needed. It's all about him. 

7. I'm afraid to fall in love with the wrong person (again). I'm afraid it will break my heart again and I'm afraid it will take a long time to heal again.

8. I once met someone who said that I wasn't pretty enough to become a UI alumnus. He said that I am too fat and that is what makes it difficult for me to get a lover. From there, my insecurity about my body was present.

9. Sometimes, when my relationship has a problem, my partner instead of not solving it, instead let it be an excuse to break up. From there, I assume that many men do not want to solve problems with me and leave me hanging.

Read More: FENOMENA FUCKBOY DAN CIRI-CIRINYA YANG HARUS KALIAN TAHU

Many people think that I haven't come to terms with my past. But I think, this is a valuable experience that I have encountered during my life. I came to know that I have to be careful with men I know from the internet. Don't be too believe to giving whatever I have to the wrong people and never give up on finding the best out there. I hope those 9 reasons why I closed my heart this can be a lesson for many people in online dating. 

Thank you!